By Sterling Guesser
Based on my performance this week, I have moved to the front of Professor Pickem’s master class on prognostication. I got 7 out of 8 for the high school picks right last week, missing only the Boyle County game. Let’s be honest here, I’m not the only one surprised by the Boyle County loss. I’d say Lexington Catholic’s coaching staff and players are just as surprised.
For two weeks, I am now 16 out of 18 (88.8%).
It’s time to dust off the crystal ball for this week’s picks (local high schools first in alphabetical order):
- Boyle County (2-1)-The Rebels got shocked in their 17-7 loss to Lexington Catholic. They host Highlands this week and there will be no surprises here. The Bluebirds are 3-0 and seem to have their old Fort Thomas swagger back. Boyle County started doubting themselves in the narrow victory against Lexington Christian. The Catholics, though, now have the Rebels wondering whether this tough schedule was a good idea. Highlands smells blood in the water and they are circling the wounded Rebels. Highlands wins this one 28-14.
- Casey County (0-3)- It’s been a tough start for the Rebels. They have given up 123 points while scoring only 27 but the schedule is going to be just the medicine they need when they travel to Jackson County (0-2) this week. The Generals have lacked a battlefield attack in their two losses, scoring a total of eight points. This will be an ugly game, but Casey will be the prettiest girl at the ugly-girl beauty contest and come home with a 24-6 win.
- Danville (3-0)- Fire the cannon!!! The Atmirals are undefeated!!!! They have buoyed their armada and are following the battle plans of fleet commander Stonebreaker. A well-coached Danville team is a dangerous team, but they will face an equally well-coached Lincoln County (3-0) team this week. Who wins this skirmish? See the Lincoln County prediction below.
- Garrard County (1-1)- You win some, you lose some and some get rained out. The Garrard vs Middlesboro game was postponed and finally cancelled due to bad weather last week. The Golden Lions will travel to Lewis County (0-3) this week to play a different set of (non-Golden) Lions. First off, Lewis County is on the Ohio River next to Mason County. Don’t pretend you knew that. Nobody knew that before I looked it up. Secondly, the Lewis County Lions football team is not very good. The only other time these teams played (in 2013), Garrard won 43-13. This time, it will be worse, and Garrard will rip those other Lions apart with a 48-7 win.
- Lincoln County (3-0)- One if by land, two if by sea, there are many experts, but the best one is me! The Patriots host the Danville Admirals (3-0) this week in a game of unbeatens. The pickem machine spent a lot of time crunching the numbers before giving me its pick this week. I only use the machine for guidance, but I think the machine is right after strictly analyzing the data and ignoring preconceived notions created by irrelevant, ancient historical results. Here it is in a straight-forward, unemotional prediction: Lincoln County 28, Danville 27.
- Mercer County (0-3)- The Titans are not very titanic right now. They are winless and this week they travel to Raceland (2-1) to butt heads with the Rams. There are a couple of wins in Mercer’s future, but it won’t happen this week. The Titans will get Rammed in a 42-7 loss.
- Pulaski County (3-0)- Upset alert! Or is it? The Maroons beat North Hardin on the road last week and will be at home against the Corbin Redhounds (3-0) this week. Corbin beat an Indiana team that no one knows, then beat North Laurel by two touchdowns, before claiming a rain-shortened 7-0 win over Bryan Station last week. If you just go by the Bryan Station scores, a common opponent for both, this one looks good for Pulaski, but it is more than that. Pulaski is going to maroon the Redhounds on an island known as Weak Scheduling and win 35-21.
- Rockcastle County (3-0)- Speaking of weak schedules, the Rockets are flying high with an undefeated record…against three teams that have combined for three wins. The winning ways continue this week against the Powell County Pirates (2-1). The Rockets will find the Pirates’ buried treasure, commandeer their ship, and set them adrift on flotsam. Rockcastle wins big 45-7.
- Somerset (2-1)- The Briar Jumpers got a 35-7 win over crosstown county school Southwestern last week. They will travel to Paris (3-0) this week to play on an eye-crossing bright orange field. “Do not adjust your set, that is the color of the field, fans.” The Greyhounds are undefeated against three small single A teams, and to be fair, Paris is also single A. The Jumpers have played a couple of 5A schools and are more battle-tested for this one, which I see them winning 42-14.
- Southwestern (0-3)- Oof. There is restlessness on the Reservation after three losses to start the season. The Warriors will host the Belfry Pirates (2-1) this week in what could be a massacre. Belfry lost to fellow mountain team Johnson Central last week 46-21. They are not used to getting trounced and will come to Southwestern with a chip on their shoulder. The Pirates will make the Warriors walk the plank in a 48-0 sacking of the Reservation.
Kentucky Semi-Pro Games (College Football):
I was 8-1 in my in-state college picks last week, missing only Lindsey Wilson. I am going for perfection this week:
UK (1-1) lost to Ole Miss at home. The score was not a surprise, but Kentucky’s play calling was befuddling. All will be well this weekend, though, when the Cats get another chest-thumping win over another MAC school when they punish Eastern Michigan. BBN should start chanting M-A-C instead of S-E-C….
Louisville (2-0) came from behind to beat James Madison in a disappointing win. They will not lose this week, for sure, because they do not play. This is their off week in their twelve-game schedule…..
EKU (1-1) will travel to Huntington, West Virginia to play Marshall. The Thundering Herd is fresh off a money-game thrashing at Georgia while EKU beat Houston Christian. Their opponents were on opposite ends of the college football spectrum last week, but they will meet each other in the middle this week. EKU corrals the Herd and wins this one…..
WKU (2-1) lost to Toledo, badly, and will have an Open week to nurse their wounds…..
Murray State (0-2) got thumped by Southeast Louisiana. This week they play the victim to Georgia State…..
Morehead State (1-1) lost to Illinois State. This week, they play the Governors of Austin Peay University. The Governors will show no clemency in badly beating the Eagles…..
Georgetown College (2-0) hosts Warner from Florida. The Tigers will not be good hosts as they send the Royals back home was a loss…..
Lindsey Wilson (2-0) continues to surprise me. They have convincingly beaten teams from Texas and Florida and will host another Florida school this week. St. Thomas is nationally ranked at #8 but I don’t care. I am not going against the Blue Raiders. Lindsey Wilson wins a close one this week….
Centre College (1-0) beat Hanover, as predicted. This week the Colonels host DePauw (yes, that is spelled correctly, it is not DePaul in Chicago) from Indiana. Centre will continue their winning ways this week, giving DePauw an “L” that they can use to replace the out-of-place “W”…..
Editor’s Note: Sterling Guesser has always been a local football fan. He became a savant prognosticator when he was involved in a car accident with a semi-truck carrying a load of footballs. He was not badly injured, but ever since a pallet of footballs fell on his head in that collision, he can see the future of football games. He is also a fictional character, and his picks are purely for entertainment purposes.
